The reason why I rarely or almost never write about happiness here is that I don't want to lie to myself. Questions like "should I?" sometimes in my brain and settles without ever further elaboration. Of course, there are days when I feel happy and laugh, or days go by as usual. I won't deny everything that I feel. I want to be honest with myself.
Next year, I will be 20 years old. A number that I never even imagined. Even to this moment and I'm still breathing, is an achievement and I'm grateful for that. How I can fight for my dream, survive, and also how I meet people who also fill the sheets of my life. These are all things I've been through.
Along the way, I often feel insecure, angry at my helplessness, envious of the greatness of others, and there are times when I feel grateful to myself for admitting that I am not a good-hearted angel who makes everything beautiful.
Therefore, I want to give a message to myself. It's okay not to be perfect, it's okay to feel angry, sad, disappointed, and other negative feelings. Everyone has things that shine, and you have things that shine too, right? If you haven't found it yet, then take it slow. Enjoy the process towards it, you will find your light in the end. And you have to believe it.
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