Source from Unsplash by @BramNaus
Because it's August soon, and my blog has been running for three years, so I think it's necessary to write as a form of self-appreciation for my efforts to continue writing until now. In the past, I started a blog since junior high school, just because it was not consistent and ended up forgetting my password! So, I created a new blog and never thought I could know some friends even though it's not much.
Initially, around 2020 I started to join one of the women's blog community. I started uploading one by one my writing there, and surprisingly someone read. In fact, I think my writing mostly contains garbage and complain only. Hahahha. But, indeed the original purpose of this blog was for fun. Before I join the community, one or two people I do not know sometimes leave comments in the blog comments field.
I guess, from my circle of blogs, the friend who first left the comment was Kak Awl, then Kak Eno, then the rest were new. The point is, I just did "blog walking" in the middle of 2020. At first I was surprised, because usually my writing is quiet, now there are one or two people commenting. Honestly, sometimes I feel a bit overwhelmed because it means that my writing is not the only one who reads it.
This concern may be in line with the healing I did with my psychologist. Because the feeling of fear of being left behind, fear of being shunned, fear of being judged that surrounds me. Whenever there is a new person, that feeling often arises. Yesterday, during a counseling session with my psychologist, it turned out that my fear of making friends was triggered by an unpleasant moment in childhood. I really didn't think it would have this big of an impact on me.
My mind is sometimes at an extreme point where I only see black and white. There are only two choices, between the person hating me or liking me. Between establishing good relationships with other people, or choosing to cut relationships with other people. I began to understand myself. It feels weird, but I recently realized that I'm like that.
Rather than just choosing black and white, wouldn't it be more helpful if I also looked at the midpoint? Whenever that feeling of dread arises, why not try to think that "maybe they're just upset", "they just don't like the way I act, but they don't hate me", "they just want to look okay, so they choose not to show the fragile side."
If my confidence can only arise because of other people, then when will I be able to recover? Isn't the most important thing to believe in yourself first? If you underestimate yourself, how can others not underestimate you? So, I think that strength should start with oneself. If you can hug yourself, it will be easier to hug others. I think it's that simple.
So, I wish I could have more control over how I see things. Those negative thoughts, if I keep them in my brain, will only hurt myself. I need to know how to stop, run, and breathe. How to hold and how to let go.
6 komentar
Halo Syif.. apa kabhar?? 😁 kabar aku baik ko.. *kaya ada yg nnya.. wkwk 🤣🤣
ReplyDeleteAku setuju semua dengan apa yg Syifana tuliskan. Malah aku bisa tahu kalau Syifana ini pribadi yang kuat 😃.
Let's embrace ourself before the others.. Ok? Jujur, aku pun juga masih struggling sampai sekarang buat ngenalin diri sendiri.
But I'll try my best until The End.
Boleh curhat sedikit nggak?? Soal negative comment. Wkwk 😆. Aku pun udah ngerasain gimana susahnya dealing dengan pendapat orang2 disekitar yg terus2an bilang "You should do this! Or that!" "Why you're acting like that?" Dan itu rasanya capek. Hidup kita rasanya seperti disetirin yang malah kadang bikin kita kesusahan karena mencoba memenuhi ekspektasi orang2.
Pada akhirnya, kita juga ko yg akan jalan di jalan kita sendiri. Sebenarnya cukup hanya seorang diri. Tapi bersama dengan Orang2 yang lebih CARE sama kita seperti Keluarga dan Sahabat. Jalan kita bakalan lebih terang benderang dan berwarna *asikkk 😆..
Let's live our life to the fullest ya.. semangat 45 buat kita 😁
😁😆
Wkwkwk, baik kak Bayu! Semoga Kak Bayu sehat² selalu ya...
DeleteIya Kak Bayu, belajar mengenal diri sendiri kalau menurut aku malah hal yang nggak akan pernah selesai even ketika usia kita udah habis. Mengenal diri sendiri itu menurutku, sama kayak ulangan biar kita bisa "ngerti". Wkwk ngomong apa aku ini 🤣
Aku juga sering nemu begini kak, justru orang-orang yang nggak kenal atau belum tentu tau kita malah yang suka ngasih pressure ke kita. Mungkin kuncinya ya itu tadi Kak, mencoba lebih berani untuk nggak always peduli sama omongan orang lain. Aku juga masih struggle kalau urusan ini. Heheheh...
Semangat 45 Kak Bayu!!!! 😆😆😆😆
Hi Syifaaa! Udah lama banget aku nggak main ke sini 😢 kelewatan update-an kamu di reading list blog nih karena aku sering on-off di blog 😂
ReplyDeleteAnyway, Syifa apa kabar? Tadi aku baca post sebelum ini, Syifa keterima di PTN ya? Keren banget 😭👏🏻 congrats Syifaaa!! Apakah akhirnya Syifa jadi masuk ke UNS?
Anyway, mau kirim peluk dan doa untuk Syifa agar selalu dalam kondisi baik dan sehat 💕
Kadang aku juga merasa khawatir saat memposting tulisan di blog 😅 tapi begitu ingat bahwa teman-teman blogger begitu supportif dan baik hati, hal itu menjadi kekuatanku untuk lebih berani memposting sebuah tulisan 😁. Semoga Syifa juga bisa merasakan hal seperti ini. Aku akan selalu mendukung Syifa 💕
Hai juga Kak Lia! Nggak apa-apa Kak Lia, aku juga malah lebih sering on-off nya daripada Kak Lia. Justru Kak Lia sangat rajin.. heheh..
DeleteIya nih Kak Lia, kemarin lolos SBMPTN. Aku di Unnes, nih Kak.. Makasih Kak Lia..
Aku juga berdoa untuk kesehatan dan perlindungan selalu untuk Kak Lia. 💕💕💕
Iya ya Kak Lia, thankfully teman-teman di blog mostly selalu support kita... Bersyukur banget akan hal itu..
Aku juga akan selalu dukung Kak Liaa... 💕💕💕💕
haiii syifa, akhirnya aku bisa buka link ini
ReplyDeleteaku udah mau email Lia lho nanya alamat blogmu,aku kira ganti domain, soalnya aku buka nggak bisa, kayak crush. Muncul tulisan begitu
jadi aku bolak balik ke alamat syifana... gagal mulu
nahh ini tadi masuk dari komen yang di blog Lia, ehhh bisa dong
baideweiii, apa kabar...
iya nih mbak eno lama nggak BW ya, kangen juga
Halooo Kak Ainun! Lama nggak jumpa, nih hehehe..
DeleteWaahh iya, kemarin blog ini sempat off kak, wkwkwk maklum aku masih labil hwhwhhw.. Btw makasih loh Kak Ainun sudah mampir ke sini.
So pasti sih, semua pada kangen Kak Eno. Aku juga kangen, terakhir kemarin check di blognya masih tulisan yang "see you again". Sedih, tapi yahh mau gimana lagi. Semoga Kak Eno sehat-sehat terus..
Kak Ainun juga ya, stay healthy :)